I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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