hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
