I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
