Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
