Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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