so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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