I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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