Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
