Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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