I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
