I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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