god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
