I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
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It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
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i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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