Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
