he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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