Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
