Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
