I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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