smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize