I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
