So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
