getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
