At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
