Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
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