Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
