Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
