She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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