My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
