So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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