Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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