he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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