So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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