when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
