I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
