dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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