I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
