One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
