I like to think it a success when the cops are called
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
