Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
