Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
