I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
