I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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