my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
