Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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