Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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