I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
