This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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