During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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