Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
