If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Farmville is her only friend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
