I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
