So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
