i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
