3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Randomize
