I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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