My room smells like vodka and shame
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MIDGETS
????
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
