my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize