You smell like a Billy Joel song
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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