Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
