C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
