So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
