Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
