That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
