it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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