i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
