I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
