he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
