Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
