I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
