i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
