do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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