So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
A+ Viking dick
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
