you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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