At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
