he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
