Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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