How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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